- An update on the old man for everyone. After a scary few days when he didn't seem to recognize us, he seems to be at least partly back and semi mobile. His right leg is still paralyzed and he has no feeling in it, but he seems to be able to use it. Left leg seems improved.The seizures continue and we have changed his medication to try to get them under control. He is waking up and calling for help in the early hours of the morning and is unable to control his bladder during a seizure.But he's responding to his name again… At least as much as the stubborn old man used to anyway. And he is being much better with Nanuq after the last few days of acting terrified of his little brother. Not out of the woods yet but we have a go forward and still hoping for the best. #stlloki #siberianhusky #huskiesofinstagram Photo taken yesterday while eating lunch at Have a Cow. - March 10, 2024
- Send good vibes for the old man Loki. #stlloki is in a bad way this week. Suffered several grand mal seizures this week with no identifiable cause and has been left paralyzed in his right leg and partially on his left. His behavior has turned extremely erratic and verging on violent. He's having trouble recognizing people and even Nanuq.Not the best pic I have of him, but one of the most recent of the old man. #siberianhusky #huskiesofinstagram - March 8, 2024
- Night walk through the Redwoods Tree walk in Rotorua… The lights are so beautiful and made for a lovely end to the evening… #newzealand #redwoodstreewalkrotorua - February 1, 2024
Isn’t it amazing? How life just always seems to confirm your worst suspicions, even when you hope for the best. Today has left me feeling bitter, tired, disappointed and incredibly hurt. It’s also left me with a certain sense of inevitability that I had been putting aside (I thought) for the good of those closest to me. It now appears that an attempt at a power trip has taught me that I was wrong to hope for the best from people, and that instead I should just accept that some things I do not and will never have power over, and that I need to protect those things that I do.
I’m sure this post alone will stir another argument, but it is just how I feel. Isn’t that what these personal blogs are for? Feelings? If I can’t write about what I feel at a particular moment, then what’s the point?
I choose not to go into details because those details are somewhat irrelevant. However, it just goes to highlight that even when I hope for the best, human nature sometimes proves me wrong.
Thankfully I was able to short-circuit the power trip with an action that was actually almost accidental in its timing, but ultimately proved fortuitous. I protected what was important, and let go of the things that I still consider important but must realize I have no control over them.
I knew I didn’t have control… I had just hoped that I could retain some semblance of control. That has tempered my actions for months… but now I have had it proven to me that the control was illusory at best. I am at the whims and mercies of others, whose actions don’t necessarily jive with my ideas of what is right and wrong, and thus I am left with my shattered illusions.
But from shattered illusions comes new determination.
I just hope I can hold back the tears.